So today I am at a dear friends wedding. They just finished the ceremony so I snuck off to have a smoke.
The ceremony was beautiful. I couldn' help but feel empty however. In part for dear Emily as her sister was only able to be here in spirit. I know mal would have moved worlds to have been here for her little sister. I wish this wasn' the case.
I also found myself wanting to cry not only for Emily's love and new found life and her adventures to come. But also for the emptiness I felt. In no way was it anyone's fault, but I'm so lonely here. It kind of was a little reminder of how I've always wanted this myself. To be so utterly in love with someone that they want to love me forever.
Now don' get me wrong, I love my sweet and very handsome boyfriend...But I'm not sure some thing like this will ever come true. I feel like I've reverted back to childhood where I plan my dream wedding with Prince charming.
My only wedding was a disaster. I was pregnant, he was drunk, the food was terrible, the cake even worse, and it was nothing like I wanted. But I had planned to devote forever to him. He did not.
I guess it seems like this might be a pity party but that's not my point. The bittersweetness, the loneliness... its all a part of that sweet dream many girls have from a young age. The happy ever after.
It's truly possible and I know it is. I'm just hoping maybe one day it will be there for me as well.
On a side note I truly wish, with every ounce of my soul, the best of wishes and a wonderfully adventurous life with never ending love for my sweet Emily Woods. ♡♡
