Love

Love is one of the most painful things there has ever been. It hurts, rips apart, destroys, breaks you down to the most insecure version of yourself. It brings out your worst, your insecurities, your pain, your worst desires. It shreads apart your soul and strips you of all protection you may have had in place before. It beats you down and shows you at the end of the day where you truly stand umongst others. It's those small, little, peaceful, heart warming, confidence boosting moments that make it worth it. It makes all the hurt, the tears, the searing burning in your chest and soul....for one moment at least, disappear. I cling to these healing moments. The memory of no pain and no tears. The tiniest of sweet feelings....these keep my heart as intact as possible. They keep me going, they make me who I am. So does the bad. Its learning to balance the tiniest of joys amongst the mountains of hurt. It isn't always easy and I have my days just as others do. I just choose to try and be strong, take today to try yourself.

Appreciation

Always do your best to show and give appreciation to those who take care of you in any way shape or form. Those who neglect everything that may help themselves in order to take care of you or others. Those who try to do anything and everything within their power to make those they love happy and to make sure their every need is taken care of. Those who sacrifice for the benefit of others. They work hard and they never stop, from the time they wake up until they go to bed at night.

It is common to neglect these people since it is who they are. They too need to know that they matter. They too need to know you care. It hurts to be told consistently everything they do wrong or have not done, especially when they work as hard as possible to do everything in their power.

Don't treat them like they don't matter, they do. Don't dog on them to get things done, they will. Don't pass them up for praise, they deserve it.

Life

Life is full of all kinds of ups and downs. The ups are usually fleeting moments, moments that bring you the most joy only to fall into drastically heart breaking ones. I've realized the majority of my life will always consist of not being enough for those I love most. It's upsetting, and hurts more than most could know. But I continue trying to be all I can be for those who matter most to me. All I can do is all I can do. Hopefully one day they will realize I have always done and will continue to do the best I can. There's nothing worse than feeling like a failure and/our a disappointment. Daily I am forced to deal with the fact that all I do...it's just not enough. I hope one day it will be.

My heart breaks daily at the thought of not being enough. Enough for those I love most. My insides quiver with the fear that I'm not the only one. My insecurity screams in my head and bleeds from my heart, scared to know the truth. My heart pounds at the idea that I am not enough. My brain whirls for hours on end trying to make everything alright. My tears fall silently hidden from view. The jealousy, the uneasiness, the insecurity eating me from within. And all the while, I show a smile.